Having a Mom-centric pregnancy
I’ve been questioning my lack of investment in this baby. It’s so different this time, but I’ve accepted this way, the mom-centric way, is healthier for me and maybe how more moms in the U.S. should think about pregnancy.
It’s not that I care less about this baby, but I’m not focused on any expectations or things I can’t control, which is just about everything. Last pregnancy, I already had a detailed spreadsheet about all the tasks and things.
What can I actually control and what’s worth my energy? Taking care of myself.
But almost everything in our society tells women to focus on the baby, the nursery, the birth, the next thing. And this means I have to say a lot of “I don’t know” to people because I’m just not thinking much about those things. I don’t relate to the traditional pregnancy path.
Have you thought about names? Nope.
Are you breastfeeding? I don’t know.
Where will the baby sleep? Probably a lot of places.
But if you ask me “how are you caring for yourself?” I can answer that.
I’m seeing a therapist.
I’m talking to friends.
I’m reading books, for pleasure, not books on pregnancy.
I’m cherishing time with my daughter.
I’m taking baths (actually right now).
And this is not to say I’m a self-care expert. I’m really bad at it, but I’m putting self-care before anticipation of the future.
And whereas before now, I felt a little ashamed or embarrassed that this time I wasn’t focused on the baby, I don’t feel that way anymore. I’m owning my mom-centric pregnancy. I actually think maybe I got pregnancy right, at least for me, this time. Pregnancy is a time to rest and get yourself centered, to let go of expectations. It’s so different from last time that I thought this feeling must be wrong, but I think it’s actually pretty healthy.