I know these moms. The moms who seem to shine and thrive DUE TO MOTHERHOOD, like motherhood is the thing that fuels them.
I know women who have a baby and six months later are TRYING to get pregnant again.
I know women who can spend every day with their kids and actually live without taking them to daycare every once in a while.
I know women who can shower and put on make up every SINGLE day while caring for a baby or toddler.
I cannot understand these women.
BUT, I don’t judge them anymore. I used to judge them.
I used to think: they are full of shit and faking it. And some of them definitely are, but some of them are fucking real. And this thought, this denying of effortless mothers, was really to make myself feel better, wasn’t it? If I couldn’t be a put-together mom, on the inside and out, then no mom could do that.
Mothering/Parenting has slowly but surely broken down most of my ability to judge people. Our children teach us just how much we are each individuals and just how little control we have. And parenting just hands me my ass, again and again. But maybe for some, mothering is easier than it is for me. This could be because of our temperament, our children’s temperaments, our economic situations, our backgrounds.
But the good news is that on most days, I don’t want mothering to feel effortless. I don’t want to be like any other mother. I have realized I like this task to feel challenging and rewarding, to make me feel covered in germs and sweat and gratitude at the end of the day. It is making me grow and expand in ways I couldn’t imagine. I have to learn new ways of finding joy when I don’t have time for the ways I did in the past. I have to pay attention to moments because I rarely get an entirely good day with a toddler–I only get good (sometimes glorious) segments.
Motherhood will never be easy or effortless for me, like it might be for some women. In the past, I wouldn’t acknowledge that these women even existed, but I think they might actually exist, and that’s okay.
I have learned that these two thoughts can co-exist: I have a complicated relationship with mothering; I’m still a wonderful mother.
And I’m okay with Mae seeing this struggle, the struggle of being a human and a mother and me. I get angry and sometimes Mae wears dirty clothes and sometimes we do what I want to do instead of what she wants to do, but I teach her about empathy and I let her stop as many times as she wants when we go for walks and we make fart jokes daily.
In fact, I can’t wait to show her this video of animals farting soon.
I hope you bask in your style of mothering today. I bet it’s pretty fucking awesome.