Making Mom Friends

I just read a post on Scary Mommy about this topic and I disliked most of what the author had to say, so here’s my list:

Once you have a baby, you get invited into new circles of friends, or circles of moms. For the most part, this is wonderful. You meet new moms just like you and they are supportive. BUT, having the fact that you are both moms isn’t enough to have in common, in my opinion. 

I love meeting people who are different from me. It makes life way more interesting and I love to have a lively debate or discussion. So it’s not differences that turn me off from mom friends. However, there are some deal breakers.

1. Your husband gives me the creeps. I can really like a friend, but her husband stares at me in an uncomfortable way, or he is totally mean and absent with his kids. I can be friends with this woman, but we will never be best friends because I’m never leaving my child alone at your house.

2. You are uppity about breastfeeding or co-sleeping or cloth diapering [insert a strong opinion here]. Basically, you are a sanctimommy. I can’t be friends with any mom who thinks she has it all figured out. That kinda makes you an asshole. No thanks. I can hang with assholes in my classroom full of eighteen year olds any day. 

3. You’re always trying to get me to join your pyramid scheme. I have lots of friends who sell stuff, and I buy it. I like it. But then there are women who seem to always be networking. They didn’t come on the play date to hang out. They came to get everyone’s name and number, so they could send invites to a “party,” but the party is really a sales pitch. No thanks. I can buy jewelry at the store for much less.

4. They want me to find Jesus. The people selling gaudy jewelry have a better chance with me than the bible thumpers. Now once again, I’m NOT saying I don’t befriend religious moms. This is the south. If I did that, I wouldn’t have any friends. But I don’t want to be your friend if I’m the destination of one of your mission trips. Walk the walk, it’s much more influential than quoting bible verses all the time.

5. You’re too rich. Now I wouldn’t automatically discount you, but odds are we don’t do the same activities. We hit up all the free, cheap parks and story times. We shop consignment. We can’t buy all organic. We have to eat lunch at home most days. I just can’t afford you, friend. 

What are your mom-friend deal breakers?


4 thoughts on “Making Mom Friends

  1. I have so few mom friends that I don’t have any deal-breakers: I just desperately want to find moms with who it will “click” (my sentence is pretty horrible, sorry, I’m having a hard time expressing myself!). Someone who won’t judge me too harshly, preferably…

    • I agree. It’s like dating, finding mom friends. You need good chemistry. I’m lucky to have found some good ones, but it’s still so hard to find time to get together.

      • Your blog post got me thinking: I probably don’t put enough efforts into trying to forge friendships. Thank you for that great read, I’m now more motivated to try finding mom friends! So what if someone judges me, that’s life! And if talking to someone doesn’t instantly get my a lifetime of friendship, it’ll get me a great anecdote! 😉 It’s not the end of the world!

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