Parent Training 

Once you have a child, you quickly begin to throw around terms like “sleep training” and “potty training,” but the truth is our kids train us more than we train them. At least that’s the case so far in our house.

Mae has successfully trained me in the following areas:

Pantry Training: this is where you go when you want to eat anything without sharing it. You must quietly eat in the pantry and don’t leave before you’re done chewing. They know!

Open-Door Bathroom Policy: Do you still even try to close the door? Mae has me trained. I know she’s coming in, so why fight it?

Snack training: no, not for you, dear parent. Do not leave the house without a snack that you can toss back to your kid while in the car seat. Period. A snack can save your ass. Bring a snack, just do it.

Cell Phone Hiding: unless you want a child begging to use your phone, you better hide it. I’ve learned to hide texting from my toddler like my students hide it from me in class…which means not very well, but I try!

Motion Training: When Mae was a newborn, you better not stop moving that stroller or she would start squalling. Really, we just learned to sway at all times. I still catch Jimmy swaying while daydreaming and standing in line sometimes. 

How have your children “trained” you? 
One area in which I will not be trained: Coffee, which is not really a habit as much as an addiction. Mae knows coffee happens first. You can scream at me as much as you like, but I’m getting my coffee with sugar and cream. Period. 


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