What Are You Having?

The smart ass in me always wants to answer: “A baby.” But I try to contain myself. This is the first question people ask when they see that I am pregnant. Only about 1 out of 10 ask, “Are you finding out if it’s a boy or girl?” Everyone else assumes we are biting at the bit to know. And it’s not that we aren’t curious, but it just isn’t the most important part about having a baby to us.

When I answer people with my usual “It’s a surprise,” this is the look I most often get:


If I was having a girl, they would say something like “She’s gonna be wrapped around your husband’s finger” and if it was a boy, they might say “Get ready for the grass stains.” Instead, many people don’t know what to say. They’re thrown. It’s as if without a gender, they can’t discuss a baby. I’ve found this extremely interesting and a little delightful.

Here are the main reasons we decided to not find out our baby’s sex:

1. I love surprises! Really, I do. I imagine this will be one of the biggest in my life. What a rush it will be to find out when our baby comes into the world.

2. I really want to avoid all the blue/pink crap. I hate that we have two specific colors that mean either boy or girl. It’s ridiculous. There are so many beautiful colors in this world. I don’t want a bunch of the same. People often ask, “Well, how are you going to decorate the nursery?!” As if no other colors exist. After telling someone, “We are just using lots of bright colors: blues, turquoise, coral…” The person could barely contain themselves: “Blue is for boys!” I didn’t know boys owned the color blue.

3. I think the suspense and surprise is one more tool in my tool belt for getting through labor. It can’t hurt to have that motivation, can it? It’s the way my mom did it, and it worked for her.

4. If it’s a girl, she’ll probably wear a bow at some point. And if it’s a boy, he’ll probably like trucks. But I’d like to avoid forcing those “taught” gendered behaviors while he/she is still in the womb. There will be plenty of time for people to call her “pretty” or him “strong.” But I really hope she never wants to wear a bow this big. This baby had to rest that bow was so heavy.


5. Not knowing really drives Type A personalities crazy, and it’s kind of fun to mess with those people.

6. Our culture has gone a little crazy with the gender-reveal parties. I just can’t participate in this:


You cut the cake, and the color reveals the baby’s “gender”! Let’s all just eat some cake instead.

I totally understand people wanting to know the sex of their baby for planning purposes and just plain curiosity. However, I wish less people wanted to know so that they could go out and buy all the accessories that go with their baby’s gender. Like this:


He might be a dude magnet, too. He also might like playing with My Little Ponies more than a guitar, and that’s ok.

Or this:


Her toes are so cute without any jewels.


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