Suggestions to the World from a Pregnant Lady

1. Pinterest needs to invent a way to filter out food from your newsfeed, so pregnant women can use it without feeling nauseous.

2. No one should cook garlic anywhere if a pregnant woman could be in the vicinity. This should be illegal.

3. Employers should have a “pregnancy room” for taking naps. I’m serious. It would be so humane.

4. People who wear too much cologne or perfume on a plane should be treated as terrorists.

5. When you ask a pregnant woman how she’s feeling, and she answers honestly, you are not allowed to say, “Just wait…” and then launch into how much harder parenthood is.

6. Unless you are pregnant as well, don’t even attempt to compare your exhaustion to a pregnant woman’s. I’ve worked full days in the Carolina humidity doing manual labor…that was normal tired. Pregnancy is crushing fucking fatigue.

7. Don’t comment on whether you think she is “small or big” in terms of showing. She’s just right if you have any sense.

8. Most of the people who comment on Mommy Message boards should be dropped off on that island of trash in the Pacific Ocean. Don’t listen to them!

9. If you think that last comment was hormonal, you’re wrong. I’m always like this. And don’t refer to my hormones at all, ever.

10. She’s more than just a pregnant lady, so talk to her about other things once in awhile.

To be continued….

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One thought on “Suggestions to the World from a Pregnant Lady

  1. 11. Do not touch a pregnant lady’s belly unless you have permission. (especially when you don’t even know her well enough to have ever touched her before)

    To expand on #4, do not wear copious amounts of perfume to work, and for #7, do not say “have your hips already spread?” or “are you sure you’re not having twins?”

    These, along with numbers 5 and 10, have happened to me just this week at work so I am feeling your pain!

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