Some of the best advice we heard for our relationship, we heard early on. While attending our friend’s wedding, their minister focused on how keeping score can’t happen in a marriage or long-term relationship. This really hit home with me because sometimes I can truly get in the mindset of “winning.”
Throughout our relationship, Jimmy and I will check on one another to make sure we aren’t doing this, especially during arguments. Are we trying to solve this or win this, we might ask. Those two mindsets produce very different styles of arguing.
Yesterday, a woman Jimmy works with said close to the same thing: Your marriage will hardly ever be 50/50. Some days he’ll give 25% and you’ll give 75%; some days you’ll give the 25 and he’ll give the 75.
This is so true. Right now, I’m working a tough and rewarding job with long hours and many stressors. Jimmy has totally picked up my slack around the house. I can’t give my full 50 right now, but we know I’ll make up for it down the road because we’ve both stepped up in the past.
So, that’s one piece of advice we’ve gotten as a couple. However, as we get closer to the wedding date, we really enjoy hearing others’ advice. Here are a few tidbits we’ve received:
1. Have a room of your own or at least a bathroom. You can take this literally, or you can take it as have your own space. Have a place in your house that is more yours than anyone else’s.
2. Hug it out. This may sound crazy, but I can understand how it would work. When you are fuming mad at each other, someone has to reach out and create physical contact. You’re not going to want to do this, but the gesture diffuses things.
4. Pick your battles. This is an oldie but a goodie. Advice that I have to constantly remind myself about. Everything that bothers you/me doesn’t have to be brought to the surface. Let some things slide.
5. Do go to bed angry. This is genius! We are so tired at night, especially right now, that before bed is the worst time for us to try and hash anything out. In the morning, everything looks clearer and easier.