The Judger and Perceiver are the last two letters in the Myers-Brigg personality test results. I am an INFJ, Introvert, Intuitive, Feeler, Judger. Jimmy, on the other hand, is a perceiver (ISFP). This last result, the J or the P, is deeply connected with your decision-making style.
Here’s the easiest way to explain the difference. If you were in a burning house, you want a Judger present who will grab the essentials (children, dog, maybe photos) and get the hell out of there. The perceiver might ponder if they should avoid death by fire or smoke inhalation. If you are buying a house, you might want the perceiver to have a heavier role in that decision because they will take every aspect of the home from the foundation to the school zones, while the judger might put a offer on a house the same day they see it for the first time. Get it? Judgers are quick decision-makers; they know what they want. Perceivers are slower and can even leave their decisions open, while a judger has made the decision and is moving on to the next thing. Sound familiar? If you are in a relationship with someone who is the opposite on this one, then you know all too well.
So, how do judgers and perceivers live together and reconcile their decision-making differences?
1. First off, the other person isn’t wrong because they make decisions differently. They are just that–different.
2. Try to see these differences as a way to strengthen your partnership. Start to divide up what decisions you are each good at making. This means some letting go of controlling decisions. However, if you know that your partner makes good, quick decisions, then let them make the decision between going left or right at the light when you’re lost. If you partner is a perceiver and makes slow, deliberate decisions, then maybe they should map out the best route ahead of time. Get it?
3. Set a deadline for the decision. This helps the judger to know there’s an end in sight, and it also helps the perceiver to know they aren’t being rushed, but they do have to decide. The deadline must be agreed upon between the both of you. This simple concept has done wonders for Jimmy and I. Judgers feel like they can’t move forward until that decisions made; therefore, just knowing a decision is coming helps relieve my anxiety about it.
4. Pay attention to when your partners very different decision-making style pays off. Maybe you wanted to buy the first house that struck your fancy, but your partner picked up on the changing school zones in that area. A year later, you realize how unhappy you would have been with the changes. Pay attention. They’ll surprise you.
5. Don’t let yourself be boxed in by these labels of J or P. You can make a decision like a Judger or a Perceiver if you let yourself be aware of making that change. These labels aren’t about defining you. They should allow you to look outside yourself, adapt, and change if you want to.
Here is a website where you can take the Myers-Brigg to find out if you are J or P. That’s only if you haven’t decided already.